Psych Stories – Wrong Call
Psych Ward Stories – Bad Call
This particular psych ward story has to do with my second admission which took place in the local hospital. Before I begin this story there is some background that you need to be aware of in order for this story to make a little bit more sense.
The second admission took place a couple of years after the first one. I was doing pretty good for quite sometime than started to have issues with the medication that I was taking was not as effective as it once was and pretty soon I was dealing with issues of psychosis and my self harm addiction came roaring back to life. I kept it hidden from my psychiatrist for a while then after a brutal self harm session that led to me passing out and waking up who knows how long later I realized I had to make that call and get readmitted back to the psych ward.
I was actually hoping to go back to the stand alone mental hospital again but they were jammed packed so I ended up in the psych ward in the local hospital. As I mentioned before in other posts this is a locked down unit with a security guard present for the majority of time and tons of patients going in and out.
Anyway the decision was made by my doctor to take me off all of my medications in order to try and older form of an antidepressant known as the MAOI class. The problem with this type of medication and the reason it is not used a lot anymore is its side effects are brutal and can be life threatening. See there are a ton of interactions with certain foods and medications that can bring on massive spikes in blood pressure which is never good. So I had to be taken off all medications for six weeks before the MAOI medication could be introduced. After spending years on medication suddenly I had no chemical support. Not a lot of fun
I was alright for the first week and then slowly the medication were leaving my system and my head was an utter mess. I started to self harm while in the hospital and pretty soon it went from a release method to something else entirely.
I realized I was in trouble so I wrote a note and left it at the nurses station. Basically stating that I was losing control over my self harm, was struggling mentally and that I needed help. I went back to my room and I waited for help that would never arrive.
There was part of me that was thinking that no one ever saw the note and that was the reason that no nurses came to investigate or help. Until the next day when my doctor showed me the note that I had written and asked about it. I told him what I was feeling when I wrote the note and showed him the extensive damage I had did to my arms the day before. Needless to say he was pissed and a guy who never really showed his emotions tore the nurses who were on duty the day before a new one.
I tried to figure out since then what was the reason why my note was not taken more seriously and I hate to say it but I think it was my diagnosis. At the time I had been diagnosed with severe depression with psychotic features, generalized anxiety disorder, chronic post traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder. It is the last one that I think was the reason. Borderline Personality Disorder have a number of traits and one of the main one is manipulation. So I figured that the nurse or nurses on duty at the time thought that I was trying to manipulate them for attention. A dangerous assumption but what can you do.
The funny thing is or was is that manipulation was never an issue with me. I was text book case of Borderline Personality Disorder at the time but not when it came to manipulation. If the nurses had the time or want to actually read through my files and see what other nurses had written about my last lengthy psych admission they would have known this.
The aftermath of the incident. Well a bunch of nurses gave me a fake apology, I was checked on by the nursing staff much more frequently and my room or area was searched a lot more often than before.
It has been years since this particular incident and years since I was last admitted to the psych ward. That expression Crying Wolf comes to mind when people think of certain mental disorders and self harm in general but the problem of course is 99 out of 100 times it could be a cry for attention (which needs to be addressed) but that one time out of one hundred could prove to be fatal. Never take chances when it comes to mental health