Living With Anxiety
It is not easy to live with anxiety especially when it refuses to go away. There are many types of anxiety of course but the one that I tend to deal with day in and day out tends to be health related where every little pang means something horrible is going to happen. Throw in a life and death health issue a couple of weeks ago and needless to say my anxiety is on the borderline of getting out of control.
The problem with anxiety of course is that it can be all to consuming. What starts out as a little thought soon rolls down the mountain and before you can stop it the anxiety is out of control. I have dealt with anxiety since I was a child but every year it seems to get a bit worse than the year before no matter if I take my medication on time and even though I have dealt with the same thoughts for decades
My health anxiety is pretty easily tracked as my father dealt with numerous health problems over the years that ended with him passing away from cancer at a rather young age. Now my brain is constantly worried that I have inherited the same health problems and of course now that I have it is difficult to manage
For a long time I thought every twitch in my chest meant that my heart was going to explode killing me on the spot but of course nothing happened for years. Then a few weeks ago it actually happened and my heart stopped and I had to be brought back to life. Needless to say my brain is in overdrive now believing that every little twinge means it is about to happen again. The thoughts of dying constantly circle my brain and it is difficult to go away.
Hopefully as more time passes from my heart attack it will become easier and I can focus on something other than the thoughts that are blazing through my head and trying to drive me insane. It does not help that I know that anxiety also takes its physical toll and when I need to be focusing on my recovery I am dealing with the thoughts in my head.
Anxiety is never fun to deal with especially when it reaches roller coaster speed but thankfully I do have the skill set that will make it manageable but it is still an everyday struggle.